A weekend with Edith

It was Yom Kippur and Edith, Jeff's mom came for her annual stay at our apartment. We madly cleaned up, blew up the aero mattress to put on top of the mattress that she finds uncomfortable and awaited her arrival.

She brought lasagna and salad for dinner and we attended the Col Nidre service at our local synagogue, Beth elohim around the corner. We really enjoyed the service, especially the beautiful music and songs.

When we returned to our apartment we watched TV, and looked at pictures of some of the furniture we were thinking of buying for the baby's room. We also discussed her gift to us of a stroller. I told her about the price range of strollers - from the average Maclaren ( 200-400), to the top of the line bugaboo (700-800). We went on-line and looked at pictures of Bugaboos, Maclarens Peg Peregos. She dismissed the Maclaren as being too insubstantial with not enough support for the baby; she liked the Peg Perego because it has a counter in the front for juice and food and is more cushioned. The bugaboo she didn't understand at all.

Edith had decided to buy us the stroller because she was going to buy us a crib, but since Lesley had a perfectly adequate one, she didn't think it would be necessary to buy a new one. of course, that got my back up a little. It seems so disingenous to offer to buy someone something and then decide they should take a hand me down. I argued that we hadn't completely decided if we were to keep the one from Lesley. She said that not doing so might hurt lesley's feelings. So of course it is not about us or our baby anymore, but about Edith or Lesley. Needless to say, I was feeling annoyed.

On saturday we took a walk in the park and I pointed out all the various strollers. Most parents in Park Slope have Maclarens for their kids. We met one woman who had something called a "Phil and Tom" or something like that from New Zealand which is sort of like a jogging stroller, but made to hold an infant and toddler. It has big wheels and it is nicely designed. It is also cheaper than the bugaboo. It can be seen on Joggingstrollers.com All in all, the weekend with Edith was pleasant and stressfull.

more delays

Lauren from the adoption agency called to say some documents had to be re -signed. I felt frustrated, angry and annoyed. I almost felt like calling the whole thing off. Nevertheless, she said our dossier was in Russia being translated into Russian and that in two weeks, it would be officially submitted and our wait for our "referral" would begin. That means we will probably not be travelling to Russia until January or February. It is going to be cold. I loved when Henry, my nephew said that I need to bring back two things back for him from Russia, " a hat and his cousin". I thought that was so, so sensitive, sweet and wonderful. He is all those things. I'm assuming he wants some kind of fur. cossack hat or something?? Oh well, I guess this is all a part of the process.

The crib in vermont

Jeff's sister offered to give us the crib her son Micah used as a baby.He is currently a sophmore at Wesleyan University. When we arrived at their house to pick up Jeff's mom , the crib was set up in their front lawn, a beautiful expanse of green overlooking the mountains of Vermont.

We were stunned to see it there. Jeff immediately started worrying about how it would fit into the car - I don't think he realized that it could be taken apart. I think he was also overwhelmed by the reality of it. We were adopting a baby. I didn't like how it looked, however. It seemed very 1970's. A golden oak color and some ugly detailing. It was not my ideal crib - my fantasy crib, whatever that would be. Nevertheless, I was deeply aware of the emotional significance of the gift, and liked the idea of inheriting the bed in which Micah had slept. I was truly touched.

After much discussion, we dismantled the crib and put it in the car. Jeff's mom was characteristically zealous in her desire for us to take it as she had bought it originally and said it was "very well made".

The following day I had many second thoughts about the crib. I felt a mixture of anger and anxiety. I felt pressured by Jeff's mom to take it. Suddenly, It seemed we lost the ability to choose how our child's room would look. You can understand how significant this might be for me since I work as a Set Decorator on film. My life work is to create environments for other people. I wanted that opportunity for myself.

When I came home that evening I immediately started ranting and raving to Jeff all my feelings. Of course, in doing so, I neglected to check into how he was feeling. After we had both calmed down, I listened as Jeff confided how meaningful the gift had been. It was also important because his family was acknowledging the arrival of our child.

It is hard not to be pregnant. It is hard not to go through a visible preparation for a new baby. The crib was the first recognition we had received that we are preparing to be parents.

We have decided to keep it.

getting ready for the baby

I am mamainwaiting. That is, I'm in the process of adopting a baby girl or boy from Perm Russia. The adoption agency has hopefully sent our dossier to Perm, however, there have been numerous setbacks and delays. It has been frustrtating. Last week they called to tell us we were missing a necessary document. I wondered why it had taken them two weeks to call and tell us. We had already imagined our papers were in the hands of the authorities in Russia.

When people ask when we will be going to Russia, I don't know what to tell them. We should receive a photograph of our child in one to three months. At that time, they will send us whatever medical information they have as well as information on our child's mother and posiibly father. We don't expect to get too much info, but we will forward it all to the famous Dr Jane Aronson who will review what we send and tell us to the best of her ability if our child is healthy or not. If we accept the "referral" i.e., the baby they have chosen for us, we will travel to Perm within a month. We go for 7 days to meet our baby and begin the adoption process in Russia, Then we return approximately one month after that.

I know. It is hard to imagine meeting one's child and then leaving them at the orphanage. There are so many things in this process that are hard to imagine.

So in the meantime, I am trying to make room for our baby in our small two bedroom apartment. The tiny second bedroom has been our office for the past 3 years so I have been busy trying to get rid of as much stuff as possible. This whole office will move into our bedroom, or perhaps into a rental space. I have already filled up 4 huge black garbage bags with papers and stuff to throw away.

It feels good to make room for our baby.