The Children's Museum
I have wanted to be a mother for a long time now. I was reminded of that today when I took my niece to the children't museum in Manhattan, a wonderful, inventive place filled with educational and artistic interactive exhibits. I had spent so many hours in that place with my nephew when he was 4,5 and 6 years old. He is now fourteen years old, and bearly gives me the time of day, except to ask for money or to buy some pizza.
I remember enjoying my time with him there as well as feeling the longing to be a mother myself - and for that matter, to be married. I envied all the moms and dads with their beautiful children - and although it was fun to pretend that my nephew was my "own", It still stung not to be a mother myself. Time passed, boyfriends came and went, and came and went again - and the longing continued. And when I met my husband, I was elated to join the ranks of the married - I really felt that I had arrived, albeit, a bit late at fortyone. Nevertheless, I was to be a wife and mother.
But alas, life is never easy and a pregnancy was not forthcoming. There was the rollercoaster of infertility doctors, treatments, bloodtests, IVF procedures, progesterone shots, eggs donated and transferred, an ectopic pregnancy, operations - and the realization that this wasn't going to work - And then the resolve to stop the medical procedures as I was getting older - and what I really wanted was a baby to love and to create a family. So the adoption process was begun with all the myriad of papers, notaries, apostiles, homestudies and general bureaucratic nonsense.
And here we are a little over a year later, getting ready to meet our daughter, Sonia ( born, Svetlana ) and to travel to Perm Russia, Throughout this process, my husband has been supportive, loving, pragmatic and exemplary in all ways. He never batted an eye giving me too many to count shots in my ass and other body parts. He has been wonderful and our marriage has blossomed through this adversity. We are lucky that way. Well, we deserve to have something to go right, don't we?
So it was bittersweet today to be at the children's museum. I noticed that many of the mothers were a bit overweight, carrying their baby fat ( baby phat) with them. I found it rather charming to see. This is something I probably hadn't noticed in the past, so busy idealizing all the moms. Of course, I noticed how many were pregnant again, and I did feel that tinge of envy, but it didn't sting half as bad as it had in the past. That's because I am going to be a mother myself. Yes, I'm going to be a mother.
I remember enjoying my time with him there as well as feeling the longing to be a mother myself - and for that matter, to be married. I envied all the moms and dads with their beautiful children - and although it was fun to pretend that my nephew was my "own", It still stung not to be a mother myself. Time passed, boyfriends came and went, and came and went again - and the longing continued. And when I met my husband, I was elated to join the ranks of the married - I really felt that I had arrived, albeit, a bit late at fortyone. Nevertheless, I was to be a wife and mother.
But alas, life is never easy and a pregnancy was not forthcoming. There was the rollercoaster of infertility doctors, treatments, bloodtests, IVF procedures, progesterone shots, eggs donated and transferred, an ectopic pregnancy, operations - and the realization that this wasn't going to work - And then the resolve to stop the medical procedures as I was getting older - and what I really wanted was a baby to love and to create a family. So the adoption process was begun with all the myriad of papers, notaries, apostiles, homestudies and general bureaucratic nonsense.
And here we are a little over a year later, getting ready to meet our daughter, Sonia ( born, Svetlana ) and to travel to Perm Russia, Throughout this process, my husband has been supportive, loving, pragmatic and exemplary in all ways. He never batted an eye giving me too many to count shots in my ass and other body parts. He has been wonderful and our marriage has blossomed through this adversity. We are lucky that way. Well, we deserve to have something to go right, don't we?
So it was bittersweet today to be at the children's museum. I noticed that many of the mothers were a bit overweight, carrying their baby fat ( baby phat) with them. I found it rather charming to see. This is something I probably hadn't noticed in the past, so busy idealizing all the moms. Of course, I noticed how many were pregnant again, and I did feel that tinge of envy, but it didn't sting half as bad as it had in the past. That's because I am going to be a mother myself. Yes, I'm going to be a mother.
posted by mamainwaiting at 4:49 PM
2 Comments:
Why haven't you written more? Are you still in transit with your new family mamber?
I'm around your age and I faced the same obsticles to becoming a mother but I didn't find the same solution. As of right now at 49 I will not be raising any children. However, I do have a grown step-daughter which I give as much of myself to as she will allow.
I love you writing style and came across your blog through a common interest- Joni Mitchel. I'd love to read more of your story.
Contact me when you have come back!
Hello MIW, I guess you now need a new name :-)
And you need to post again, preferably with pix. We are all waiting to hear about Ducky (sorry, Sonia) and your new life as a threesome.
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