No Longer a mamainwaiting

It has been years since I have posted anything on my blog.  So much has happened in the interim. For one, I am no longer a "mama in waiting", but a mother with a 3 1/2 year daughter named Sonya.

I'm not sure why I stopped blogging. Perhaps  I was too busy taking care of my new baby.   I was so busy just adjusting to my new wonderful life that I didn't have the wherewithal to sit down and write about it.

Life has been amazing since we brought Sonya home from Russia. Our two trips to Russia were also incredible and I plan to write about them as well. 

I have read through my  posts during the year leading up to the adoption and I am moved to read about my feelings and thoughts at that time. There was so much anticipation and anxiety regarding what was about to happen and when it would happen. The not knowing was very stressful.

The exterior of the orphanage in Bereznicki  was probably the most depressing building I had ever seen. The grounds of the orphanage were decrepit and slovenely.  As we drove into the entrance to the orphanage,  my throat was dryer than I had ever experienced. I was terrified.

We were greeted by the  assistant to the director of the orphanage, a small round woman in a white lab coat. The director was on vacation.   We sat down with our translator, Sonya's  social worker and our driver in the office of the  director,  and they proceeded to give us information about our daughter, her mother and her mother's family. We were also given medical information about Sonya. It was information that we had already known, but we nodded our heads as if we were hearing things for the first time. 

 We had prepared certain questions to ask, and we did so.  It was complicated to understand all the information since it was being said in Russian and translated to us.  It was probably one of the most confusing conversations I have ever been involved in.

We learned about the birthmother's health ( good), her siblings (3) and her parent's and grandparents.  We were told that Sonya's birthmother had another child ( a son), and that she relinquished her parental rights at the hospital where she gave birth.  She was 24 years old.

After about an hour of this, a very sweet looking woman who I assumed was Sonya's caretaker came in with her and put her in my arms.  She was wearing an old fashioned looking onesie with a peter pan collar. It looked as if they had dressed her up especially for the occasion.

It was a stunning moment. My baby was in my arms.  I can still feel the weight of her. What a pleasure it was to hold her. She looked at me quisically as if she was trying to figure out who I was. She didn't smile but stared intently.

 She had big brown eyes, like my own and a very thin covering of red hair. She was beautiful. I held her in my arms and made cooing sounds to her - I  walked around, talking to her, saying silly things  which I can't even remember. I might have told her about her cousins who were waiting for her at home.  I probably said your grandmothers and grandfather are very anxious to meet you and  shower her  with love and affection. We gave her toys to play with like a woozit which she held onto throughout our first visit.

 She started sucking her thumb and this, of course, reminded me of my twin, Louise, who sucked her thumb until she was 6 or 7. It seemd like fate  that Sonya and Louise shared  the same endearing habit.

As I sat with Sonya, and she looked at me, my first thought was that she was a calm and thoughtful baby. I was impressed with the quiet intensity in which she was observing me and taking  me in.   Something in her demeanor made me immediately feel that I had received  the perfect baby  for my disposition. 

The rest of the afternoon was a blur. Jeff and I were busy putting stickers on her forehead to measure something so that Dr. Jane Aronson  in New yoark   could  determine if she had FAS, which I knew she did not. How could she. she was perfect.

 Jeff fumbled with my camera and we took dozens of photos, all of which were wrong and needed to be repeated the next day.   We performed some other "tests'  that we had been  taught  to determine  what developmental stage she was at. Her eyes followed our fingers as they darted from side to side.  She was obviously a very bright little thing. I did notice that she didn't smile that first day , and she couldn't sit up, which is typical of babies who live in orphanages. Can you really blame her for not smiling? 

I remember noticing that, although we were having a complete life altering moment, our  driver and translator were  busy on their cell phones as if it were like any other day of the week.

That was ok. It was our incredibly special,  miraculous day. A birth of sorts and probably one of the happiest days of our lives.

Before leaving the orphanage that day, I presented the assistant director with all the gifts we had brought for them. Art supplies for the other children, scarves, jewelry and trinkets for the staff. . I was feeling very giddy and handed out the gifts zealously, thanking everyone for their support and care of our baby.

We then drove the 21/2 hours back to the city of Perm. I felt a mix of happiness and dread as we returned to town. I was overwhelmed by the experience, frightened, anxious and concerned that Sonya had not smiled at me.   Jeff and I fell asleep immediately when we returned to our hotel.