the waiting is almost over

We have been told by our adoption coordinator, Lauren, that we will be given a referral - a picture and medical information somewhere around January 10, 2005. Russia basically shuts down from January 1-10 for their Xmas and new year holidays. So they will be up and running again around the 10th. And if all goes well, we will be travelling to Russia at the end of January for our first trip to meet our child and start the adoption process which will require a second trip a month or so later to pick up our baby. We will also be able to have a doctor examine our child there- a special doctor whom we will hire to come to the orphanage.

I feel stunned at this point that my life will change so dramatically within the next few months. I fluctuate between being very excited and feeling terrified. The woman across the hall from us is pregnant and I still feel a pang of longing when I see her bulging belly. And my process is so invisible and hard to share with others. This is so unlike giving birth or being pregnant. My personal trainer, Elizabeth, upon hearing of the impending trip said, " so you're basically pregnant right now". I thought that was very sensitive and kind for her to say.

Phyllis, the support group leader and our personal adoption therapist told us at our last session " you and Jeff are really ready to get on that plane.." And I believe that we are.