Don't say anything
It has become clear to me as I've struggled through infertility and the process of adoption, that on the whole, people tend to say the wrong thing. Yes, intentions are well and good but they usually say something irritating and irksome. So I've compiled a list of things not to say.
If someone is telling you about their difficulty getting pregnant, don't tell them to relax or take a" vacation" with their husband.
If it is obvious that a couple is struggling with infertility don't tell them that you just look at your wife and she gets pregnant. don't say anything.
Don't tell anyone infertility can be cured by doing yoga, taking vitamins or eating properly. Especially, don't tell anyone to stop drinking coffee. Don't say anything
As I've moved into the world of adoption, there are numerous conversational pitfalls people tend to fall into.
Inevitably, someone will tell you that once you stop the infertility treatments, you'll get pregnant, or once you adopt, you'll miraculously get pregnant because the pressure will be off. Because, tension and anxiety are the causes of infertility, didn't you know? In fact you're too tense and that's what's causing the problem. You want it too much. Don't say anything.
If someone is telling you they are adopting from Russia, don't tell them how "cute" those chinese babies are - Don't say anything.
If someone is telling you they are adopting from Russia, don't warn them about chronic diseases and FAS ( if you don't know the acronym, don't worry, you will if you are adopting from Russia.) Yes, these warnings are important. Nevertheless, a person about to adopt is probably going to already know about these issues - and probably stays up at night worrying about them. It is best to not say anything.
If someone is telling you that they are adopting from Russia, don't tell them how easy it was for your friend, aunt, sister to adopt in the US. "It was so fast and easy, I'll get you the number..." Don't say anything.
the truth is you can't stop anyone from saying whatever they want to say. Instead, you must harden yourself to other people's opinions, words, innuendoes, etc. This is true in all areas of life, and perhaps it is a good exercise in holding onto yourself and not letting other people rock your resolve. It certainly toughens you.
It is hard to hold onto one's fragile sense of hope when one is vulnerable to the opinionated chatter of others. The lesson here is to stop listening to others, and start listening to what is inside one's heart.
I am adopting because I want to be a parent and to love a child. I know there are many risks but I am willing to take this great leap of faith. This requires a certain amount of bravery and a good pair of psychic ear plugs.
I
If someone is telling you about their difficulty getting pregnant, don't tell them to relax or take a" vacation" with their husband.
If it is obvious that a couple is struggling with infertility don't tell them that you just look at your wife and she gets pregnant. don't say anything.
Don't tell anyone infertility can be cured by doing yoga, taking vitamins or eating properly. Especially, don't tell anyone to stop drinking coffee. Don't say anything
As I've moved into the world of adoption, there are numerous conversational pitfalls people tend to fall into.
Inevitably, someone will tell you that once you stop the infertility treatments, you'll get pregnant, or once you adopt, you'll miraculously get pregnant because the pressure will be off. Because, tension and anxiety are the causes of infertility, didn't you know? In fact you're too tense and that's what's causing the problem. You want it too much. Don't say anything.
If someone is telling you they are adopting from Russia, don't tell them how "cute" those chinese babies are - Don't say anything.
If someone is telling you they are adopting from Russia, don't warn them about chronic diseases and FAS ( if you don't know the acronym, don't worry, you will if you are adopting from Russia.) Yes, these warnings are important. Nevertheless, a person about to adopt is probably going to already know about these issues - and probably stays up at night worrying about them. It is best to not say anything.
If someone is telling you that they are adopting from Russia, don't tell them how easy it was for your friend, aunt, sister to adopt in the US. "It was so fast and easy, I'll get you the number..." Don't say anything.
the truth is you can't stop anyone from saying whatever they want to say. Instead, you must harden yourself to other people's opinions, words, innuendoes, etc. This is true in all areas of life, and perhaps it is a good exercise in holding onto yourself and not letting other people rock your resolve. It certainly toughens you.
It is hard to hold onto one's fragile sense of hope when one is vulnerable to the opinionated chatter of others. The lesson here is to stop listening to others, and start listening to what is inside one's heart.
I am adopting because I want to be a parent and to love a child. I know there are many risks but I am willing to take this great leap of faith. This requires a certain amount of bravery and a good pair of psychic ear plugs.
I
posted by mamainwaiting at 11:42 PM
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