Saturday morning 12am I Need Love on repeat
It is Saturday morning post-Charlie Rose and my computer is repeatedly playing a very sad and sweet song called "I Need Love" by Sam Phillips, her voice sultry, sexy and smokey. I'm feeling sad tonight.
What a day. A fight with my father over a mix-up regarding plans I won't bore you with. And in typical Dad fashion, he swatted me away like a fly, diminishing my voice and feelings. It is so hard to have a voice around my father. I told him not to treat me with disrespect because, " I AM YOUR DAUGHTER!" Standing up for myself and challenging my father makes me feel so guilty and so darn sad too. By evening we seem to have made peace.
I called the adoption agency and they called right back. Lauren said, " Your ears must have been ringing because I was just talking about you to my supervisor..." She said that there are a sibling pair of girls ages 2 and 4. They are apparently well recommended. But she knows we are looking for younger children, and probably not two - but she wanted to put it out there for us. Wow, two girls. Two real children awaiting a home. And how sad to think of them together, awaiting placement. I don't think it is the right situation for us, but just the thought of them made me feel hopeful and a little bit sad too that they would probably not be ours.
A., my 7 year old niece overheard me mentioning the sibling pair to my mother and said " Could I have one? I want a sister..." Speaking of A. we tried to get her to say hello to Jeff but she wouldn't and scurried out of our apartment instead of having to do so.
So Jeff doesn't get a hello, two girls in Russia await a new mom and H struggles with new and unusual yearnings and I continue to try to be heard by my father.
Life is hard sometimes.
What a day. A fight with my father over a mix-up regarding plans I won't bore you with. And in typical Dad fashion, he swatted me away like a fly, diminishing my voice and feelings. It is so hard to have a voice around my father. I told him not to treat me with disrespect because, " I AM YOUR DAUGHTER!" Standing up for myself and challenging my father makes me feel so guilty and so darn sad too. By evening we seem to have made peace.
I called the adoption agency and they called right back. Lauren said, " Your ears must have been ringing because I was just talking about you to my supervisor..." She said that there are a sibling pair of girls ages 2 and 4. They are apparently well recommended. But she knows we are looking for younger children, and probably not two - but she wanted to put it out there for us. Wow, two girls. Two real children awaiting a home. And how sad to think of them together, awaiting placement. I don't think it is the right situation for us, but just the thought of them made me feel hopeful and a little bit sad too that they would probably not be ours.
A., my 7 year old niece overheard me mentioning the sibling pair to my mother and said " Could I have one? I want a sister..." Speaking of A. we tried to get her to say hello to Jeff but she wouldn't and scurried out of our apartment instead of having to do so.
So Jeff doesn't get a hello, two girls in Russia await a new mom and H struggles with new and unusual yearnings and I continue to try to be heard by my father.
Life is hard sometimes.
posted by mamainwaiting at 10:14 AM
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